K told me she wanted to play rocks. Rocks?! What is she talking about?
"Oh! You want to play with the blocks!"
Friday, April 30
Trouble
This little one found Mommy's address stamper. She also got into scissors and put paper in the shredder so that was pretty much the trifecta of parental no-nos: stains, sharp objects and dangerous machinery.
Remembories
The other day my son informed us that he had "remembories" from when he was three. Remembories. I love it! I was thinking maybe I should rename my blog "Remembories"!!
Wednesday, April 28
Some Things I've Learned About Parenting
This morning I wandered over to Buried with Children and read this post. It was exactly what I needed to read this morning. It also prompted me to get off my butt and finally write this post that I meant to write since Monday. (Hmm...I guess technically it prompted me to get ON my butt in my chair in front of the computer but I think you knew what I meant.)
On Monday I was feeling very introspective about parenting. I even had an epiphany. It suddenly occurred to me that I'm always focused on all the crappy things I do as a parent and I don't give myself enough credit for the good stuff I do. Am I the only person for whom this was a ground-breaking revelation? I stress that I'm not feeding the kids healthy enough meals. I stress that I'm not giving them opportunity to play organized sports. I stress that I don't do enough crafts with them at home. I stress that I let them watch too much TV in the car. I stress about the times when I yell at them a little too easily. I stress that I don't seem to be able to bathe them as often as I intend. I stress that I forget to have them brush their teeth. I stress about this. I stress about that.
That's what I focus on - all the ways that I'm messing up. Why do I do this to myself?
I think I've mentioned before that I was an awesome babysitter. And I knew it. Presumably this is why I assumed I would be an awesome mom. I loved kids. I was good with kids. What else is there to it?
Ha! That's what I have to say about that. Ha!
Parenting isn't exactly what I expected it to be. I do love my kids and it is pretty awesome when the baby spots me across the house and comes running towards me with her arms out shouting, "My mommy! My mommy!" But it's also darn hard...and exhausting...and frustrating...and hard. Did I mention hard? Yeah, definitely pretty hard.
Here are some things I've learned about parenting:
1. It's hard to maintain enthusiasm and stamina for something when you do it around the clock. I consider myself one of the lucky ones because my kids are pretty good sleepers. We put them to bed sometime around 7pm, they're frequently asleep by 8pm and they don't wake up until about 7am the next morning. I think of that wonderful window of time between 7pm and 7am as ME time.
Unfortunately I do have to sleep during that time. And there are a lot of chores around the house waiting to be done. Sometimes I have to run to the store for groceries or a birthday present or a teacher appreciation gift.
As it turns out, ME time isn't all it's cracked up to be.
It gets worse. It's particularly hard to maintain enthusiasm and stamina for something - anything - when you're sick. And guess what?! This job does not include sick days. You just have to suck it up and try to make sure that you don't throw up in the minivan when it's your turn to drive carpool.
2. It's really hard to be consistent. I knew that when you're a parent, you must follow through on your threats. But what I didn't know then, is that your brain pretty much stops functioning once you become a parent. For example, you put your four year-old daughter on time out for four minutes - one minute for every year of age. Four minutes go by and amazingly enough, you didn't have to reset the timer once because she actually sat there like she was supposed to. You sit down next to her and ask "What did you do wrong?" Meanwhile in your head you're thinking "Crap! I hope she remembers because I definitely do not." (Yes, that absolutely has happened to me. More than once.)
In light of the fact that I have minimal brain power, how on earth am I supposed to remember what I did last week when this same exact situation presented itself? How am I supposed to remember whose turn it is to go first? How am I supposed to remember what I just threatened two minutes ago?
3. It's difficult to hear what your children are saying. I'll admit that I may have a slightly skewed perception of reality with a six year-old, a five year-old, a four year-old and a two year-old but my experience is that kids are pretty loud. In my household there's pretty much a constant drone of "She pushed me! I don't want to! He's being mean to me! I need a drink! Where's my doll? I don't like that! I need to be wiped! She called me 'poopy-head'."
Your brain does this amazing thing where it totally tunes that out and suddenly YOUR quiet is many decibels above another person's quiet. I'll be driving down the road totally immersed in my thoughts when I suddenly HEAR my four year-old is crying because her sister punched her...and has been crying about it for two minutes.
Or worse, you're at a park and another mom has to point out to you that your child is bleeding. (Fortunately that one hasn't happened to me...yet. Similar things *have* happened though.)
I feel guilty about tuning them out but I'm pretty sure that's just a survival mechanism...some sort of micro evolution. It's a good thing this parenting gig is relatively short-lived otherwise my ears might just go ahead and fall right off. In fact, maybe that's exactly why we go deaf as we age. It's just evolution at work.
4. It's tricky to get your kids to help out. Here's my rule of thumb: getting your kids to do something productive requires at least twenty times the effort on your part, that it would take to just do the job yourself. It's far easier to take the lazy way out and not bother trying to get them to help. And trust me, reward charts are an administrative nightmare. I have yet to find one that I can stick to. It's not the kids that are the problem, it's totally me. I'll admit it. I just don't have the energy for it.
Kidding aside, I wish I could see myself for what I am. I know I'm doing the best I can. Why can't I allow myself to be a work in progress? I was going to say "a work in progress like the kids" but then realized that perhaps that's part of my problem. I struggle to allow them to be works in progress sometimes too.
A wise person suggested that I sit down with my husband and that we figure out our "tier of discipline". She suggested that we figure out how our discipline should escalate and what offenses deserve what punishment, et cetera. I think this is a great idea. This way our punishments will be consistent between the two of us. And most importantly, when I get to FIVE and need to discipline, maybe my mind won't draw a complete blank as to what should happen next.
On Monday I was feeling very introspective about parenting. I even had an epiphany. It suddenly occurred to me that I'm always focused on all the crappy things I do as a parent and I don't give myself enough credit for the good stuff I do. Am I the only person for whom this was a ground-breaking revelation? I stress that I'm not feeding the kids healthy enough meals. I stress that I'm not giving them opportunity to play organized sports. I stress that I don't do enough crafts with them at home. I stress that I let them watch too much TV in the car. I stress about the times when I yell at them a little too easily. I stress that I don't seem to be able to bathe them as often as I intend. I stress that I forget to have them brush their teeth. I stress about this. I stress about that.
That's what I focus on - all the ways that I'm messing up. Why do I do this to myself?
I think I've mentioned before that I was an awesome babysitter. And I knew it. Presumably this is why I assumed I would be an awesome mom. I loved kids. I was good with kids. What else is there to it?
Ha! That's what I have to say about that. Ha!
Parenting isn't exactly what I expected it to be. I do love my kids and it is pretty awesome when the baby spots me across the house and comes running towards me with her arms out shouting, "My mommy! My mommy!" But it's also darn hard...and exhausting...and frustrating...and hard. Did I mention hard? Yeah, definitely pretty hard.
Here are some things I've learned about parenting:
1. It's hard to maintain enthusiasm and stamina for something when you do it around the clock. I consider myself one of the lucky ones because my kids are pretty good sleepers. We put them to bed sometime around 7pm, they're frequently asleep by 8pm and they don't wake up until about 7am the next morning. I think of that wonderful window of time between 7pm and 7am as ME time.
Unfortunately I do have to sleep during that time. And there are a lot of chores around the house waiting to be done. Sometimes I have to run to the store for groceries or a birthday present or a teacher appreciation gift.
As it turns out, ME time isn't all it's cracked up to be.
It gets worse. It's particularly hard to maintain enthusiasm and stamina for something - anything - when you're sick. And guess what?! This job does not include sick days. You just have to suck it up and try to make sure that you don't throw up in the minivan when it's your turn to drive carpool.
2. It's really hard to be consistent. I knew that when you're a parent, you must follow through on your threats. But what I didn't know then, is that your brain pretty much stops functioning once you become a parent. For example, you put your four year-old daughter on time out for four minutes - one minute for every year of age. Four minutes go by and amazingly enough, you didn't have to reset the timer once because she actually sat there like she was supposed to. You sit down next to her and ask "What did you do wrong?" Meanwhile in your head you're thinking "Crap! I hope she remembers because I definitely do not." (Yes, that absolutely has happened to me. More than once.)
In light of the fact that I have minimal brain power, how on earth am I supposed to remember what I did last week when this same exact situation presented itself? How am I supposed to remember whose turn it is to go first? How am I supposed to remember what I just threatened two minutes ago?
3. It's difficult to hear what your children are saying. I'll admit that I may have a slightly skewed perception of reality with a six year-old, a five year-old, a four year-old and a two year-old but my experience is that kids are pretty loud. In my household there's pretty much a constant drone of "She pushed me! I don't want to! He's being mean to me! I need a drink! Where's my doll? I don't like that! I need to be wiped! She called me 'poopy-head'."
Your brain does this amazing thing where it totally tunes that out and suddenly YOUR quiet is many decibels above another person's quiet. I'll be driving down the road totally immersed in my thoughts when I suddenly HEAR my four year-old is crying because her sister punched her...and has been crying about it for two minutes.
Or worse, you're at a park and another mom has to point out to you that your child is bleeding. (Fortunately that one hasn't happened to me...yet. Similar things *have* happened though.)
I feel guilty about tuning them out but I'm pretty sure that's just a survival mechanism...some sort of micro evolution. It's a good thing this parenting gig is relatively short-lived otherwise my ears might just go ahead and fall right off. In fact, maybe that's exactly why we go deaf as we age. It's just evolution at work.
4. It's tricky to get your kids to help out. Here's my rule of thumb: getting your kids to do something productive requires at least twenty times the effort on your part, that it would take to just do the job yourself. It's far easier to take the lazy way out and not bother trying to get them to help. And trust me, reward charts are an administrative nightmare. I have yet to find one that I can stick to. It's not the kids that are the problem, it's totally me. I'll admit it. I just don't have the energy for it.
Kidding aside, I wish I could see myself for what I am. I know I'm doing the best I can. Why can't I allow myself to be a work in progress? I was going to say "a work in progress like the kids" but then realized that perhaps that's part of my problem. I struggle to allow them to be works in progress sometimes too.
A wise person suggested that I sit down with my husband and that we figure out our "tier of discipline". She suggested that we figure out how our discipline should escalate and what offenses deserve what punishment, et cetera. I think this is a great idea. This way our punishments will be consistent between the two of us. And most importantly, when I get to FIVE and need to discipline, maybe my mind won't draw a complete blank as to what should happen next.
Monday, April 19
Truth in Advertising
Last week we got a special treat. At the last minute, it suddenly worked out that my Mom was going to be in town to attend a workshop. My mom lives in Cairo...yes...the one in Egypt...so this was a pretty big deal. We hadn't seen her since last September, right before she moved to Egypt. She didn't actually stay at our house while she attended the workshop but she took a couple of days off work so that we could visit and hang out. It was a lot of fun. And we did a lot of stuff that my little family doesn't typically do...like eating out. We ate out A LOT!
One of the places we hit on our grand-old-tour of all the local restaurants was IHOP. This was an impromptu brunch after my son had had to fast for an ultrasound. So since the girls had already eaten breakfast, I thought that a bowl of fruit would suffice.
Here's the bowl of fruit as pictured on the menu:
I vaguely recalled a previous waiter mentioning something about it being a small bowl of fruit so I did ask the waiter for clarification about the fruit bowl...but I now realize I asked the wrong question. However I did find out that the kids bowl costs $2.99 and the regular bowl is like $5.49. Can I digress for a minute to point on that those prices are BOTH highway robbery!! How much do you think that fruit really costs them?! But before I wander too far down that tangent, let me show you the bowl of fruit that was delivered.
Are you kidding me?! That's five pieces of fruit. Admittedly five large - choking-hazardly-large - pieces of fruit but come on, that does NOT look like the same bowl of fruit. I'm not usually one to make a stink about things but this was too much. I pointed out to the waiter that those bowls of fruit look nothing alike. He didn't have much to say so I asked if I could speak to the manager. (But I promise you that I was very polite about it. Truthfully this is probably the first time I've asked for the manager in my entire life.) The manager came over and I pointed out that the bowl of fruit looked nothing like the one in the picture and he said, "The picture is for dramatic purposes."
Uh...then shouldn't you disclose on the menu that the bowl of fruit pictured is nothing like the bowl of fruit you will receive?
That response riled up some of the members of my party and they were ready to throw down right then and there. But I tried to maintain the friendly atmosphere by steering it back to what I really wanted anyway. "Could we possibly upgrade to the regular sized bowl?"
Am I overreacting, people?! You do agree that that bowl of fruit looks very different than the bowl of fruit in the menu, right?!
So anyway they brought me another little bowl of fruit and to IHOP's credit, they didn't charge me another $2.99 for the additional five pieces of fruit in the new bowl.
Having said that, I figured I'd share this with the rest of you possibly-IHOP-visiting-parents, lest you get sucked into the Jr. Fresh Fruit Dish trap.
One of the places we hit on our grand-old-tour of all the local restaurants was IHOP. This was an impromptu brunch after my son had had to fast for an ultrasound. So since the girls had already eaten breakfast, I thought that a bowl of fruit would suffice.
Here's the bowl of fruit as pictured on the menu:
I vaguely recalled a previous waiter mentioning something about it being a small bowl of fruit so I did ask the waiter for clarification about the fruit bowl...but I now realize I asked the wrong question. However I did find out that the kids bowl costs $2.99 and the regular bowl is like $5.49. Can I digress for a minute to point on that those prices are BOTH highway robbery!! How much do you think that fruit really costs them?! But before I wander too far down that tangent, let me show you the bowl of fruit that was delivered.
Are you kidding me?! That's five pieces of fruit. Admittedly five large - choking-hazardly-large - pieces of fruit but come on, that does NOT look like the same bowl of fruit. I'm not usually one to make a stink about things but this was too much. I pointed out to the waiter that those bowls of fruit look nothing alike. He didn't have much to say so I asked if I could speak to the manager. (But I promise you that I was very polite about it. Truthfully this is probably the first time I've asked for the manager in my entire life.) The manager came over and I pointed out that the bowl of fruit looked nothing like the one in the picture and he said, "The picture is for dramatic purposes."
Uh...then shouldn't you disclose on the menu that the bowl of fruit pictured is nothing like the bowl of fruit you will receive?
That response riled up some of the members of my party and they were ready to throw down right then and there. But I tried to maintain the friendly atmosphere by steering it back to what I really wanted anyway. "Could we possibly upgrade to the regular sized bowl?"
Am I overreacting, people?! You do agree that that bowl of fruit looks very different than the bowl of fruit in the menu, right?!
So anyway they brought me another little bowl of fruit and to IHOP's credit, they didn't charge me another $2.99 for the additional five pieces of fruit in the new bowl.
Having said that, I figured I'd share this with the rest of you possibly-IHOP-visiting-parents, lest you get sucked into the Jr. Fresh Fruit Dish trap.
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